Behind the Desk

A Safer Way to Travel

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The success, or failure, of your trip lies solely in the hands of the person behind the front desk at your hotel. This is a rather realistic look at your stay from their point of view.

I am a front desk clerk.

I have advanced degrees in accounting, public relations, marketing, computer science, civil engineering, and Swahili. I can also read minds.

Of course, I have a reservation that you booked six years ago, even though you don't have a confirmation number and you think it was under the name that starts with "X". It is not a problem for me to give you seven connecting, nonsmoking, pool side suites with two king beds each, four rollaways, and yes, I can install a wet bar. I know it is my fault that we do not have a helicopter landing pad.

I am a front desk clerk. I am expected to speak all languages. It is obvious to me that when you booked your reservation for Friday, you really meant Saturday. My company has entrusted me with all financial information and decisions and yes, I can tell you why your bill from March 1989 contained a 50 cent phone charge because you obviously never pay for phone charges.

I understand that McGullicutty's Widget Manufacturing is a vast empire that will make or break our hotel. Yes, I am lying to you when I tell you we have no rooms available. It is not a problem for me to quickly construct several more guest rooms. This time I will not forget the helicopter landing pad. And it is my fault that everyone wants to stay here. I should have known you were coming in even though you had no reservation.

I am a front desk clerk, an operator, bellhop, breakfast hostess, houseman, guest services rep, housekeeper, sales coordinator, information, a map, entertainment critic, restaurateur, stock broker, computer technician, ice breaker, postman, dispatcher, laundry attendant, fax expert, and verbal punching bag. And I also know why room 239 isn't answering their phone.

I always know where to find the best vegetarian, kosher, Mongolian barbecue restaurants. I know exactly what to see and do in this town without spending any money. I take personal blame for the airline food (or lack thereof), traffic jams, rental car flat tires, and the national economy. I realize that you meant to book your reservations here. People often confuse us with the "Melody Delight Motel". Of course, I can fit you in and yes, you may have a special $1.00 rate because you are affiliated with the Hoboken Accounting Club.

I am expected to smile, sympathize, console, upsell, downsell, (and know when to do which), perform, sing, dance, and fix the printer. And I know exactly where Pottsman Trott Lane is.

I am a front desk clerk.

I do all of these things.

And I will try to look busy when management is around.